Trying To Lose

Well it’s definitely been a while since I posted here! My life sometimes seems to go non stop, leaving me with very little time for “me” time. But tonight I am taking some time for me and it sure feels great.

I am not going to say it’s been easy since my last post in August; that month was filled with challenges and stress and vacationing and although I thought I was making good choices when on vacation…………umm turned out to be not so good choices. The one thing that I have noticed over the past six months was the amount of times I would have upset stomachs or be running to the bathroom after eating any kind of meats.  It didn’t matter if it was chicken, steak, pork – it all ended up with the same results and I was really starting to feel crappy from it (no pun intended!)

So while I was on vacation I did some reading up and decided that I really wanted to try the vegetarian lifestyle. I have never been a big meat eater and so I didn’t feel that it would be a big change or that I would feel like I was missing anything.  And as it turns out – my instinct was right.  I made the decision to stop eating meat on September 1st and haven’t looked back.

I  have lost 18 pounds, have more energy than ever and can’t believe the amount of food choices that I have.  It’s funny, I now bring with me brocoli and dip for an afternoon snack at work.  I can honestly say that I am not missing eating meat and the best news of all – my blood sugars are doing great and I am so thrilled with that happening. 

I have lost so far 110 pounds and it feels great; so what is different now?  When I first started on this journey I ate what I was told to eat by Weight Watchers.  I didn’t read labels, I counted points.  I realize now that I did need that for the first 110 pounds but for this 2nd 110 pounds I want to be in control.  And guess what – I am in control.  I am making conscious decisions about what I want to eat, I am ensuring that I am getting the right amount of carbs and proteins and vitamins.  I am experimenting with foods that I never thought that I would eat and the big shocker is – I like them!  Edamame – OMG I love it!  Snap peas – like candy to me.    I am experimenting and trying new vegetarian recipes and am having fun doing it! 

So, I guess the saying you can’t teach an old dog new tricks isn’t always right – because this old dog has some new tricks up her sleeve!  You just watch me go!

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Well, as you can see I haven’t written anything online since April.  I really thought that I had this whole “weight loss” routine down pat.  I had lost a lot of weight and figured I could branch out on my own; so I dropped out of Weight watchers and stopped writing here.  Lets take a look how I have done since leaving all my comfort zones:

May – was able to lose 8 pounds in the month but noticed that I wasn’t quite as committed as I had once been at the gym.  So, switched over to a new gym, hired a personal trainer and bought the gym’s diet plan (which cost me a hefty $500.00 but promised to have me eating healthier and losing the weight quickly).    The diet plan came in a beautiful binder but lets just say that I have yet to crack that binder open to see what it is all about. 

June - didn’t get on the scale at all this month, not a good thing to do.  Sadly though the whole trainer issue hasn’t worked out for me so far.  The first trainer I got ended up cancelling alot, apparently she had some panic attack issues!  Just my luck right!  My second trainer I thought might work out but when my training sessions were more about her and not about me I knew that she wasn’t the one for me.  I also found I really didn’t like this branch of the gym but luckily my plan allows for me to go to any branch across Canada!    So I decided to try one of the gyms that was closer to my office – nope didn’t like that one so off I went to try another one.  Nope, didn’t feel comfortable there so just stopped going for a few weeks.  I also called and put my personal training on hold until I could wrap my head around it all. 

 End of June/ Beginning of July – found out that I really like the gym that is a bit farther from home but I felt like I found my “home” again.  I started working out again and went three to four times a week.   Was eating really clean, getting in lots of protein and really feeling good again about myself!  But then the third week of July hubby got diagnosed with skin cancer and I stopped going to the gym for all the wrong reasons.  Instead of looking at the gym as a place to workout my worries and stress I instead turned to the old standby – food and lots of it.   I had no one to fall back on like when I used to go to the Weight Watchers meetings and I had no personal trainer to urge me on.  So what do I do – I eat more because I feel sorry for myself. 

August – well my scale stopped working around the first week in July so I wasn’t able to even get an idea of how my weight was doing even if I wanted to do that, which at this point I didn’t care.  For the past three weeks I didn’t care much  – I admit that I have been on an eating binge.  Chips, ice cream, chocolate, mcdonalds, anything I could get my hands on and I ate it.  I am not proud of what I did but I also know that I recognized that I was eatinng out of control much sooner than I have done in the past.  That makes me feel good.    So I decided to make some changes again – I had rejoined weight watchers online at the end of June but it just sat there – paid for but not used.  So I logged back in there yesterday to start tracking my food again and also to start tracking my weight again.  I also went out today and bought a new scale – it was time but I have to admit I was scared.  So, I got on the scale and overall since I left weight watchers in April/May I have gained back 20 pounds!

So I have learned a hard lesson and one that I didn’t want to admit to myself – I can’t do this on my own yet and maybe I never will be able to but that’s ok.  I have learned that it’s ok to lean on others to get to where I need to be; that point of being healthy and weighing much less than I do now. 

So, I may have lost 100 pounds so far but I have a long way to go and will keep going with the help of others – because you know what – it’s ok to let your guard down and ask for that help.

Until tomorrow!

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Trying out a new plugin to post from my cellphone. I definitely need to get back into regular posting and being able to post on the go will be helpful!

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Well since my last update in January I have managed to gain 5 pounds and it has scared me enough to get me back on track.   So I did my last binge last night (I have no idea why I even did it) but now I have to get serious again.  I may have lost 90 pounds so far but I still have 200 pounds to lose and I have to keep going. Being an insulin dependent diabetic should make me sit up and realize that I can’t keep doing what I have been doing (going backwards instead of forwards) and yet I had to shake myself when my blood sugars started to get out of control again the past few weeks even with insulin. I have now had to increase my insulin at night by 10 units and that scared me. I am back focused on that as well, checking blood sugars on regular basis and hoping that it’s just a temporary blip for me and that I can get it back down and under better control.

I did join a new gym which I am looking forward to getting to – I just need to start to make “me” time again and sticking to it.  I cancelled my old gym membership last yesterday and my new gym has given me 30 days free.  I have now belonged to new gym one week and still have yet to walk in the door.  My goal is to start with three days a week and see what happens.  I really felt good going to the gym and want that feeling again!  I also need to look at why I am binge and secret eating again; it hasn’t happened often but over the past month I would say at least 5 times and in my mind that’s 5 times too many. I have been letting some stress from work get to me and I have to find a better way than stopping at Harveys for a burger and fries on the way home from work. I guess I could beat my self up for hours about this but really just need to put it behind me and move forward from this point on.

The funny part is I feel good and I think that I fell into the “phase” of feeling good and thinking that I shouldn’t really worry about losing more weight.  That is until I catch a side view of myself in the mirror; and hten I realize that I still have a long way to go.  But that’s ok because I know that I can do thisiii ibecause I have come this far and plan onseeing this through to the end.

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