Trying To Lose

Well, as you can see I haven’t written anything online since April.  I really thought that I had this whole “weight loss” routine down pat.  I had lost a lot of weight and figured I could branch out on my own; so I dropped out of Weight watchers and stopped writing here.  Lets take a look how I have done since leaving all my comfort zones:

May – was able to lose 8 pounds in the month but noticed that I wasn’t quite as committed as I had once been at the gym.  So, switched over to a new gym, hired a personal trainer and bought the gym’s diet plan (which cost me a hefty $500.00 but promised to have me eating healthier and losing the weight quickly).    The diet plan came in a beautiful binder but lets just say that I have yet to crack that binder open to see what it is all about. 

June - didn’t get on the scale at all this month, not a good thing to do.  Sadly though the whole trainer issue hasn’t worked out for me so far.  The first trainer I got ended up cancelling alot, apparently she had some panic attack issues!  Just my luck right!  My second trainer I thought might work out but when my training sessions were more about her and not about me I knew that she wasn’t the one for me.  I also found I really didn’t like this branch of the gym but luckily my plan allows for me to go to any branch across Canada!    So I decided to try one of the gyms that was closer to my office – nope didn’t like that one so off I went to try another one.  Nope, didn’t feel comfortable there so just stopped going for a few weeks.  I also called and put my personal training on hold until I could wrap my head around it all. 

 End of June/ Beginning of July – found out that I really like the gym that is a bit farther from home but I felt like I found my “home” again.  I started working out again and went three to four times a week.   Was eating really clean, getting in lots of protein and really feeling good again about myself!  But then the third week of July hubby got diagnosed with skin cancer and I stopped going to the gym for all the wrong reasons.  Instead of looking at the gym as a place to workout my worries and stress I instead turned to the old standby – food and lots of it.   I had no one to fall back on like when I used to go to the Weight Watchers meetings and I had no personal trainer to urge me on.  So what do I do – I eat more because I feel sorry for myself. 

August – well my scale stopped working around the first week in July so I wasn’t able to even get an idea of how my weight was doing even if I wanted to do that, which at this point I didn’t care.  For the past three weeks I didn’t care much  – I admit that I have been on an eating binge.  Chips, ice cream, chocolate, mcdonalds, anything I could get my hands on and I ate it.  I am not proud of what I did but I also know that I recognized that I was eatinng out of control much sooner than I have done in the past.  That makes me feel good.    So I decided to make some changes again – I had rejoined weight watchers online at the end of June but it just sat there – paid for but not used.  So I logged back in there yesterday to start tracking my food again and also to start tracking my weight again.  I also went out today and bought a new scale – it was time but I have to admit I was scared.  So, I got on the scale and overall since I left weight watchers in April/May I have gained back 20 pounds!

So I have learned a hard lesson and one that I didn’t want to admit to myself – I can’t do this on my own yet and maybe I never will be able to but that’s ok.  I have learned that it’s ok to lean on others to get to where I need to be; that point of being healthy and weighing much less than I do now. 

So, I may have lost 100 pounds so far but I have a long way to go and will keep going with the help of others – because you know what – it’s ok to let your guard down and ask for that help.

Until tomorrow!